“Things Happen for a Reason”

  I have always been a frequent user of this phrase, but it wasn’t until recent conversation with a friend that I questioned the meaning behind.  To be fair, I thought that I generally believed in the phrase, however it was true that I hadn’t given it great thought. 

Upon deeper analysis, I found myself using the phrase in two different instances.  The first was to provide an overarching and ambiguous explanation to an undesired occurrence.  For example, when my sister was very upset when she was injured in a soccer game, I would try to mollify her pain by unleashing this great and powerful statement (upon reflection I can see how this wouldn’t provide any amelioration and actually even cause further consternation – “What does that even mean?”).  I employed this phrase when there was such a negative event that only a saying of this magnitude could appropriately respond to it. 

The second instance was to justify a series of events that had produced a current situation.  So this would be like, “Well, I met this person, who taught me how to do this, and that’s how I got this job.  Man things happen for a reason.”  This doesn’t not carry the same negative connotation as the first instance, however it is used with the same intent- an acknowledgement that there is a greater purpose behind actions. 

Back to the original conversation with my friend that caused this introspection.  She shrewdly pointed out that the use of this phrase implies a belief in a religious ideology – specifically the confirmation that there is a greater power/being /force at play in life.  She then posed this question – would an orphaned child with had just lost his family in a terrible accident agree with the phrase?

One of the great truths that I try to live by is the saying, “Say what you mean and mean what you say.”  So when I was questioned about the use of my go-to phrase, “Things happen for a reason” I realized that I had not given the proper attention to the use of such a heavy phrase.  Ultimately, I was confronted with the question, “do I believe this is true?”  Do things really happen for a reason? 

Well the answer is…unclear.  I would be the first to tell you, one of the most important journeys I am on is the spiritual.  Like many things, my beliefs are not stagnant and can certainly shift with new revelations and events.  But they are not fluid and unformed either.  To equate it to a physical item, it would be clay. 

This question brought on an onslaught of contradictions.  I am an optimist but I am also a realist.  I agree with the idea that I am in control of my life- that I determine my destiny.  But I also agree to a certain extent that there is a purpose for me. 

What is most troubling about the phrase “Things happen for a reason” is the implication that life is predestined.  The thought that regardless of your actions, things will play out a certain way and nothing will alter that.  From the movie “The Matrix” to the bible, this has always been a great question in human existence.  A anti-religious person, might say “Things don’t happen for a reason.  They just happen.”    

What’s the moral of this story?  I guess it’s this- I am still learning my faith.  It is the questions like the one my friend posed to me that are essential in this process.  As a result of our conversation, I have posed this question the three people already.  But as an advocate for truth, I can no longer continue to say the phrase.  Therefore, I have replaced it with another that I genuinely do believe:

“There is meaning in everything.”