When I was leaving the gym recently, I was struck with a series of thoughts that ultimately led me to this concept- the necessity of adversity.
Let’s rewind and explore how I got there and why I believe in this idea. When I was growing up, I was fortunate enough to be placed in situations that allowed me to succeed. What I mean by this is that I participated in activities that highlighted my natural abilities and allowed me to be a high achiever.
The first activity this became apparent to me was the athletic realm. Although my father enrolled me in youth soccer when I was four, it was not until I was about seven that I began to understand that I was naturally talented in the sport (and various other sports as soccer skills have a widespread applicability many other sports).
Objectively, it would be fair to say that I was probably one of the top players on my teams throughout my childhood. I also transferred my athletic prowess onto the football field and became a successful high school football player. Moreover, I was blessed with the skills needed to succeed academically and I parlayed these into acceptance into a respected college.
In college I continued my trajectory of success in academics, athletic, and the social world. In short, life was good and I had all the right makings for a successful individual (and many people reinforced this).
Armed with a healthy ego and a history lacking failure, I entered my senior year of college assuming I would continue to excel in the “real” post college world. I really didn’t think there was another option.
Yet, despite these natural skills and abilities, I was missing one vital experience. Adversity. Success had become so ingrained in my life that it began to feel like an inherent trait. It is not. It is a practiced habit.
Let’s fast forward to when I was one year out of college. Jobless. Lonely. Not competing in athletics. And, at times, downright questioning myself. I had unintentionally (well maybe subconsciously) went on a hunt for adversity, and I had found it in spades.
And now I can say that period was one of the most crucial experiences in my life. At the most basic level, this challenging period in my life forced a personal reflection like no other I had ever had. It was in this reflection that I was able to have my first valuable encounter with adversity. My natural skills I had relied on all my life appeared to be rendered useless. I was fighting a competitor that I had never seen and one that I was not sure I could beat. But I did.
From an evolutionary standpoint, humans are animals designed to survive. There is a universal instinct that lies within every person – a resilient and driving force enables us to keep fighting when the odds are against us. This force shines brightest when it is tested most. If it is never truly tested, one will never know their true capabilities.
Everyone has unique traits but a key determining and distinguishing factor in life is how one responds to adversity. Recall the Buddhist truth that life is suffering. Those that have stared adversity in the face and not retreated are more conditioned to accept this truth and ultimately succeed in life.
When leaving the gym, I looked over the people working out. None of them knew (or cared) about my successful athletic background. It still causes some dissonance that this one skill that seemed so important when I was younger has greatly faded from my persona. But it was only through my first real encounter with adversity that I was able to reflect and find a way to overcome that battle. Yes, I did use many of my natural skills and abilities (each person must play to their strengths) but I did not use them in the traditional sense. This was one reason why this was challenging; the old tricks I had used to succeed in the past just weren’t working. Adversity forced me to come up with a new way of thinking and living.
It is true that I will face adversity again. It is also true that it will come in new and more daunting forms. However, I can say that am now more prepared the meet it.
part of yr experience in atlanta may have been yr discovering the range of coping skills you have for dealing with adversity.a problem for our species is the long period of vulnerability before we can take can of ourselves.time is required to grow and learn to a point we can survive independently because we are so complex neurologically. but, you underextimate how rapidly we learn to cope with adversity. initially there is rapid development in an infant; it is the most flexible time to learn and adapt as all experience is new.life is ceaseless coping with adversity in learning to interact with adults,eat food not milk, bathing, loud/painful stimuli,crawling to walking,gurgling to talking,being dressed to dressing,dealing with peers, dealing with adult set limits.by 2-yrs old a child has a base line style of coping with adversity which is refined more prior to school age.by then yr blend of genetic strengths and weakness triggered by environmental events especially parental interactions have blended your coping strategies into your basic temperament.yr style of dealing w stress learning,winning/losing,peer conflict,authority would probably be seen as consistent by yr parents from your early childhood to the present.indeed you have been blessed w many strengths which helped your coping and some weaker areas which have interfered.
ReplyDeleteyou dealt w limits set by yr parents and authorities.you dealt w peer group issues including losing friends,broken trust,expectations gone bad,multiple sibs competing for re-sources,dating dissapoint -ments.there were classes requiring much more effort than expected.games when you continued to give yr best tho winning seem impossible.adult expectations for you to win for the team.limits in resources you'd have liked.choosing/acceptance to college.choice of major leading to employment.by high school you probably could have said how you'd cope w a specific adversity but may not have thought about as an aspect of your personality unless asked
a yr out of college you used the same coping techniques but not spontaneously as before. it was enough adversity for you to check out how to deal with it consciously. it gives you advantage of being clearer what techniques you use so you can draw on them as required. its the advantage of knowing more about yrself.success doesnt need practice as it's an out come
coping needs conscious practice to to improve consistency and effficacy.
tom