Don’t Let Negative Expectations Ruin the Present

I would call myself an optimist but this characterization was called into question recently…by me.  In the same realm of descriptive traits, I cannot deny that I am also a realist.  I have embraced both these traits but never have fully examined their relationship upon each other and, after doing so, it seems that they are usually at odds and whichever is seemingly more relevant to the moment wins the use of my consciousness.

This competitive alliance brings me to my current story of an illuminating experience that occurred last week.  I had been strongly implored by my good friend Daniel to join him for a couple hours surfing.  The waves were of trivial size and my natural inclination was to decline.  However, his desire to have me accompany him coupled with the reality of his impending departure from Costa Rica got the best of my logic and I consented.  It should be noted that prior to accepting to offer, I unequivocally voiced my observations on the poor quality of the waves and vocalized my belief that waiting or rather postponing was a more beneficial course of action…solidifying my belief.

Upon getting into the water, I couldn’t abate my expectation that this was a foolish undertaking, and it would certainly prove to be a waste of time and money (surfboard rental fee).  While these disquieting thoughts echoed in my head, Daniel could only speak toward his passion for surfing and the simple satisfaction he received from merely being in the ocean. 

Eventually, my mind was distracted by the physical demands of surfing.  At the next point of reflection, I couldn’t deny that I was enjoying myself. 

After concluding surfing, I found myself paralyzed in the beauty of a Costa Rican sunset.  Wishing I had my camera, I quickly realized that a photograph would only do this natural painting an injustice.  It was so mesmerizing that the use of the word ‘awesome’ could genuinely be used with its true definition.  Speechless, I watched the fusion and combination of colors never before seen seep into my memory and awaken my spirituality to ask “why am I seeing this?”  

The answer, as I have previously written about, falls under the axiom that there is meaning (‘learning’ if you consult my father) in everything.  Specifically, this edifying visual served to highlight (almost literally) and contrast my previous realist and pessimistic prejudiced approach to the outing.

It was then that I realized that my optimism is often reserved for the future and general concepts (e.g. the inherent goodness of man).  My seldom application of optimism to the present is a fundamental foible because, at times, my realistic and analytical mindset is the contributor to a despairing and ultimately negative attitude.   

In short, I was looking for the bad in situations rather than recognizing the good. 

Why is this significant?

Because life is lived in the present; memories (past) and expectations (future) are formed from the now. 

Because perceptions, specifically feelings within perceptions, influence our actions; if we think something will be a letdown, we act (talk, move, etc.) as though it will be.  

Because reality can be restrictive while optimism can be expansive; the realistic mind operates within the confines of the tangible (important in many instances), but the optimistic mind transcends the tangible and searches for useful application to the limitless world of the intangible (e.g. feelings).   

If the axiom ‘there is meaning in everything’ is an important pathway to an enlightened life than I must make a conscious effort to right this imbalance and more effectively blend these valuable traits.    

DC vs. CR

Last Friday marked the completion of my third week living in a small town (Samara) in Costa Rica.  The experience has been filled with a myriad of new observations and revelations.  As I was walking into town recently, I was thinking of where I was one year ago, Washington, D.C., and I realized how dramatically different my life is now.  After thinking about a couple of the major changes, I couldn’t resist the urge to go a step further and formalize this list in my blog. 

Let’s begin when the rooster crows (Costa Rica…seriously).

Morning Routine:

D.C.- 7:00am.  Wake to alarm clock but hit snooze at least three times.  First action, check my phones- work and personal.  Crawl out of bed at 7:20am and jump in the shower (with hot water). Get dressed work; which includes a full suit and tie combination.  Grab a quick breakfast at home (cereal/bagel/Toaster Strudel) and drive to work.  Listen to NPR to catch the major news of the day and arrive at work after a 25 minute drive.  Work day starts around 8am. 

CR- 7:00am.  Wake up naturally (although I have woken up intermittently throughout the night).  First action, usually go for a run.  Next is to shower (cold water only).  Breakfast is at 8:00am with my host mother.  I muddle through some Spanish (I try to force myself to practice at least 20 minutes every morning) but my effort is compensated with a full breakfast and rich Costa Rican coffee.  Get dressed for school in standard Samara attire: shorts, t-shirt, and sandals (always sandals).  Walk 15 minutes to school and often listen to my I-pod. 

Daily Routine:

D.C.- The first half of my day was usually dedicated to responding to emails and drafting press releases.  I was nearly always stationed in my office (without windows…a big downside for me) with three large flat screen TVs repeating and breaking the news (sometimes to the point of monotonous insanity).  I had good coworkers and the time went by pretty quickly.  Lunch was my respite from the windowless and hot office, and I would often walk down to the cafeteria with a friend and usually purchase a pretty tasty, but always overpriced lunch. 

The second half of the day closely mirrored the first except I would frequently be working on a developing press briefing for the following day, and I would occasionally venture out of the office to get something approved.  The day ended around 7:00pm, and I would drive home through dense traffic and arrive at home around 7:45pm.  Dinner was simple but varied and always prepared by me.  After dinner, I would watch an hour of TV with my roommates and ultimately drag myself up to bed and pass out.    

CR- Class gets going at 10:30am and various activities and new concepts (delivered in a classroom setting with, yes…windows) propel the time forward until my lunch break at 1:00pm.  My hour-long lunch is spent eating a cheat and uninspired turkey sandwich, and I find myself back in class again at 2:00pm.  Another 1.5 hours of instruction and then it is prep time for teaching upcoming classes.  Those usually begin at 5:30 and end at 7:30pm. 

Half of the time, I am accompanied on my walk home a light rain and I arrive home, ravenous, at 8:00pm.  I quickly drop of my things in my room and sprint into the dining room for a unique and always satisfying dinner.  My food inhalation is interspersed with conversation about the happenings of my day.  Dinner is followed often by games with the youngest member of the house (8 years old), and the favorites are Uno and Checkers (for the moment).  Sometimes we’ll feel particularly energetic and read a quick story.  I then tiredly slog off to my room, check my emails, work on upcoming classes to teach (two nights per week), read and fall into a sound sleep with the fan (no AC in my room) lulling me into REM. 

Other notable differences in CR:

Clothes- Washed by hand and dried by clothes line.  During the rainy season (October) this can prove challenging.

Money- One mil is a common expression.  Exchange rate is 500 colones to one dolloar.  Thus “mil” (thousand in Spanish) is the most frequent term with the local currency.

Pura Vida (Pure Life)- the ubiquitous value here is “life first.”  Coming from the U.S., where work most often defines someone (“Where do you work” one of the first questions always posed to a stranger…more to come on that in a future blog), it is never important and hardly mentioned what one does here. 

More to come later.             

The Varying Communication Platforms for the Millennial Generation

What happened to the good ole’ days of the phone call?  For the majority of my life, when two people wanted to communicate, this was the de facto medium.  It was fast, relatively easy, and personal (see my earlier post on the evolution on personal communication).   

But in modern times, the youth of today (specifically the Millennial Generation which, for the sake of this post, encompasses kids 15-25) encounter numerous options for how to best communicate with their peers.  I have identified the three primary communication platforms that are most used among this demographic, and I have analyzed each source with the same criteria.  Ultimately, you will observe that there are specific circumstances that come into play when deciding which to use. 

Before I jump into my explanations, I must espouse some general truths for how the youth communicates:

1.)  They are lazy- communication should be easy to use and can’t take multiple steps

2.)  They are impatient- instant feedback is a top priority

3.)  They are cryptic (and again- lazy)- messages are characters not sentences

If you review the following three platforms through these filters, you will have a greater understanding for why they are used. 

Let’s begin with EMAIL.  This once technologically advanced tool has been relegated to business communication and older generations.  There are various reasons why this never gained traction with the youth.  One- everyone does not have (instant) access to email (internet connection or smart phone).  Two- email addresses are unique and must be accurate in order to work.  Three- composing and email takes multiple steps (typing email address, crafting a subject line, and finally composing a message). 

When is it used?  To communicate formally and generally with an older audience: an exchange of important data, a formal introduction/dialogue/request, a discussion between multiple parties, etc.   

Future outlook- With the proliferation of smart phones (containing internet capability) and the synchronization of contact information (email address listed on Facebook profile), this platform is poised to gain more traction with this the Millennials. 

Moving on to the communication behemoth- FACEBOOK.  This website was built to connect people and, to their credit, they have continued to add features that enable just this.  There are three primary methods of communication on Facebook: the public wall post, the private message, and the chat function (comparable to Instant Message).  There are two key determents of Facebook’s success: the sheer volume of users (everyone has an account) and the streamlined and easy functionality.

When is it used?  Remember how it felt when you met someone but didn’t get their phone number?  Well this concern has evaporated with the popularity of Facebook.  All you need is a name and since everyone has an account (usually with a photo of themselves) you can look them up on Facebook and send them a message.  Often this is used for initial conversations/introductions (private messages) or for causal discussions that could be relevant to others (wall posts).  The chat feature fulfills the need for instant feedback and is easy to use.

Future outlook- On the rise.  With the tight integration with smart phones and other electronic devices (TVs and tablets), Facebook has spread its long roots into just about all communication devices…and I can’t see it going anywhere.

Lastly, cell phones; specifically TEXTING.  Hands down the most commonly used communication method.  Not only in users but in frequency.  The young generation loves texting, plain and simple.  This platform most directly meets the three truths of youth communication.  Often times communication beginning with email or Facebook will evolve into a texting relationship. 

When is it used?   All the time.  The phone call has gotten replaced by the text.  Kids (to their detriment in my opinion) prefer to engage in a dialogue over text rather than voice and can use it at all times during the day.  It is used by all for a quick question (easier than a call) and used by many to have a dialogue (removes the “pressure” to make verbal conversation). 

Future outlook- Here to stay.  There is nothing as easy or as simple as communicating over text.  Are there any threats to taking down this king of communication?  None come to mind. 

“Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say”

I am guilty.  I am truly at fault for not living by this saying.  Blame on it my need to please people (there’s some psychology here…but we’ll leave that for another time).  Blame it on the acceptance that everyone slightly alters the truth.  Blame on the belief that if it is important enough, one will dedicate the time needed to be precise and accurate in their word selection.    

Whatever the case, the fact remains that exacting and precise language is rarely used modern discourse.  Catch phrases, slang, diplomacy, etc. – all contributing factors to the propagation of inaccurate (at best) and dishonest (at worst) language.

Outward communication, most specifically dialogue (for the majority of people), is the most informative way to reveal who we are.  It is through conversations with others that our most deep-seated opinions and judgments are formulated about others.

At the center of this practice lies a complicated moral pathway: honesty.  While being honest is a value that always tops the list of people’s most significant traits, there is a blatant disconnect when it comes to utilization daily conversation.  This type of dishonest discussion can range from incorrect word choice (knowingly or unknowingly) to outright lies.  Since we can assume outright lies require a conscientious decision, I am going to turn my focus to the inaccurate (and sometimes harmful) word selection in everyday dialogue.      

Why have we let our most important medium become corrupted with falsities?  The answer is twofold.  Reason one: the act of conversation is so common that people rarely ever scrutinize or reflect on their discussions.  This reality is directly linked with the second reason: speaking accurately takes work.  Active speaking requires mental energy.  The process of putting an extra filter into your head that analyzes the forthcoming phrase to meet the acceptable standard of “do I really mean this?” or “is this what I really want to say?” takes effort, and people generally don’t want to review everything they are going to say. 

I can certainly understand that and, as mentioned, I am an active participant in unfiltered language at times.  But it is when our dialogue turns harmful or lazy, that I begin to cringe.

Let’s start with the harmful: the popularity and misunderstanding of the terms “fag” and “gay.”  These homosexual terms have developed a negative connotation and are often used repeatedly to condemn a person or an action.  Hardly ever does the speaker really mean that that individual or instance is representative of actually homosexuality.  Instead, it is most often used to quickly ridicule someone or something.  In the end, the widespread use of these terms in this context harms the gay community by associating all things negative with “gay” or “fag.”

Now onto the lazy: “douche bag.”  This gem has really gained a stronghold among my generation and I can positively say that no one literally believes that someone is acting like a “douche bag.”  But out of convenience and the virus of verbal repetition, this term stands atop the most often used terms to dislike someone/something. 

Ok, so what’s the big deal if someone uses the term douche bag?  It doesn’t harm the douche bag community, right?  The concern is that the growing applicability of this term is drowning out the use of other, more specific, accurate, and descriptive terms.  If someone is conceited they are a douche bag, rather than self-absorbed or narcissistic.  If someone is a liar they are a douche bag, rather than deceitful or dishonest. 

Think back to the loquacious and dynamic writings of our country’s founders.  Jefferson, Franklin, Hamilton – these men were articulate and resolute in their insults.  Someone along the way, the critical thinking necessary for clear, accurate, and honest communication was replaced with the ability to replicate the phrase/term of the moment. 

This dangerous trend is creating a generation of inarticulate parrots.  Moreover, this deleterious trend is getting passed on to younger generations.  But all hope is not lost.  If we start with filtering out popular terms of the moment, we can begin to reintegrate the variety of the English language back into our vernacular.

With unlimited information at our disposal, success will not be determined by those that have the information (as it once ways), but rather those that can clearly and effectively communicate it.  I can tell you this much – douche bag ain’t gonna cut it. 

     

Farewell to the District (Part II: Living My Values)

Now my time in DC comes to an end.  I have set my sights on a new challenge – an adventure in a new country.  But before I go learn more about the world, it is necessary to return to the place where first I learned about the ways of life - back to the gentle hills of my childhood in central Texas.  It is only in this a serene and special environment that I can fully reset my mind and lay the foundation for the next phase of my life.  

I have given this decision much deliberation and decided it is something I need to do.  I believe it is more than a mere geographic change; it is a watershed moment that will mold my future.  This decision is a sign that I have the ability to choose exploration over routine, learning over complacency, new experiences over financial security. 

 

But one choice does not reflect habit.  In order to fully solidify my values and beliefs, I must integrate these ideals into my daily life.  And I believe this is achieved through self-reflection and the quest to continue learning (the theme of this blog).  

Along these lines, I am excited to share some of the things I have learned during my time in DC.  While I have learned much, three truths stand out. 

The first: Relationships are the most important thing in life.  As discussed in David Brooks “The Social Animal,” we are a species that survive from human interaction.  But relationships serve much more than a utilitarian function; they are where we learn most.  Much like humans, relationships grow and change too.  Each day they are tested, and to survive, they require energy and commitment.  The tiring grind of work.  The finite time in each day.  The easy answer of “I’ll call him later.”  All of these realities and numerous others will challenge us to live by this truth.  But I have taken the first step- I have recognized the validity of this belief.  Now I must learn to live by it.

The second: Happiness is not a state of being, it’s a lifestyle.  This lifestyle is founded upon the choices we make.  Each day we face hundreds of choices and our contentment lies in the outcome.  It’s counterintuitive how we often pick the less desirable option for the sake of assumed security, politeness, expectations, etc.  Moreover, we get unhappy by the result of these choices.  I believe effective decision making comes from the relationship between the gut, the head, and the heart.  A harmony between these forces will enable us to be at peace will our decisions and live a life of happiness. 

      

The third: Actions define us.  The simple fact is we are known by what we do; it’s not real until you act on it.  The thoughts that run through our head are as tangible as the stories in our dreams.  The reciprocal truth to this is that our actions have consequences – consequences that we must live by.  In the end, we depart with the peace in our heart and this has led me to face the question – how do I want to live my life?       

I have a vision for how I want to live my life.  This vision encompasses my faith, habits, career, beliefs, education and all the factors that comprise an individual.  To achieve this vision, I have set goals.  But for too long I have not realized these goals.  And now, I have resolved  that I must dedicate the time needed to make these permanent.  The overriding goal of my upcoming journey is to make these values a part of me.  It will be a time to confront the bad habits that live in my consciousness and understand demons that lurk in my subconscious.  It will be a renaissance that builds off the first 25 years of my life and sets the stage for the next 25 years.  

At the heart of this spiritual pilgrimage is the effort to crystallize my values, so I ultimately have the clarity and courage to fuse them with my professional life.  We have all heard of the infamous “mid-life crisis.”  For many people, this is largely career driven, and the result is erratic and sometimes harmful behavior.  The mid-life crisis has always seemed easily avoidable to me.  The antidote is deep self-introspection that is too often overlooked in the 20’s decade.  

I am heading off this “crisis.”  I am taking anticipatory and proactive action.  Call it “quarter-life curiosity.”  The only way to fill this curiosity is devoting time to focus on my goals.  That is why I choose this journey.  This path is not possible for everyone: some people have pressing responsibilities, some do not have the means, and some do not have the will or desire.  I have been very fortunate, blessed and lucky in life, and I also have a rock solid support system of family and friends.  It is these things that have enabled me to pursue this habit-building voyage.

So now I move forward, without fear and emboldened by change - the change that will build the foundation I need to make my mark in this life. 

Farewell to the District (Part I: My Professional Path)

It is with poignant sadness and great expectations that I am ending my residency in Washington, D.C.  I have always believed that the decade of 20-30 is one of the most unique, exciting, and growth-filled periods in an individual’s life.  For me, the 2.5 years spent in the District will be a pillar of my 20’s.  
  
I took a chance on coming to DC.  I was living in Atlanta following my college graduation, and my internship was coming to a close.  The historic 2008 presidential election had just concluded, and it seemed like all democratic politicos and most of Generation Y were in a state of euphoria.  I had dabbled in politics, but the decision to move to DC was a confluence of events: my internship concluding, my cousin offering me a rent-free room, the reassurance that someone can make a living (not much of one) working in government, and most importantly, my genuine interest in working on Capitol Hill.  

I left Atlanta with a healthy confidence and fortunate naiveté to the ways of Washington. After a peaceful seven hour drive, I arrived in Fairfax, Virginia to 15 degree weather and the rent-free guest room that my extremely generous cousin and his wife had offered me.  This set-up allowed me to dedicate my full time to getting a job on the Hill, and to this day I consider it the single greatest factor to my success in D.C.   

My first introduction to the District was the Inauguration of President Barack Obama.  I joined nearly two million people on a frigid day in January on the National Mall (not being used to this weather, I had on three layers of clothing including running tights and two pairs of socks).  It was a historic moment for our country, and it was truly unforgettable for me.   

Such promise was followed by slow frustration.  I spent the first two months job hunting for various Hill jobs/internships that were posted online.  I had come to learn that these low level government jobs were highly coveted, and, after about 50 online applications and not a single solid lead, I was getting concerned.  I took my concerns and disappointment to my sagely and patient mother, and she gave me a little positive tough love.  “You have got to go there.  Physically walk in those offices and make face-to-face contact.” 

When my mother gives me good advice, I make it a point to listen.  I created a spreadsheet of the open positions and started to ‘pound the pavement.’  I mapped out the physical office locations, and would spend a couple hours a day delivering an application packet which included a hand written cover note, a customized cover letter, my resume, and my references.  On my third trip I got a bite.  It was an interview for an internship, specifically a non-paid internship, with a liberal Congressman from Florida.

I knew I would face some adversity and challenges in this environment, so I took the internship started at the bottom (I really had no other options).  My days began at 6:30am when I would wake up and drive the nearest Metro station in Fairfax (at the very end of the orange line).  I would pay $5 to park and would buy a $5 Metro pass for the ride in.  The Metro commute was roughly one hour.  I would arrive at work around 8am (always trying to get there first) and work till about 6pm.  After work I would do the same routine and hopefully be eating dinner around 7:30pm (often time my cousin’s kind-hearted wife would feed me- another act of generosity in which I am forever indebted to them).

I found solace in this tiring and costly experience because I was enjoying the internship (pushing myself into as many projects as possible), and I had high hopes for a paid job on the horizon (yes, the thought of a paltry 28K salary seemed like a bona fide lottery at that point).  

After grinding it out for 2.5 months at this internship, I was…exactly where I had started- or so it seemed.  I had no real job leads, I was already living off credit card debt, and my hope of working on the Hill was slowly fading.  Something had to change, so I took another non-paid internship in the Senate.  This was a communications specific internship in a well-known senator’s office.  It was very monotonous, and after another three months (nearly seven months total) and only two interviews, I had arrived at the crossroads of my discontent.  

I had hoped to be living in DC by June and it was early August.  I was burrowing deeper and deeper into debt, and I really couldn’t even stomach the idea of another internship.  This discontent met my sometimes unfortunate personality trait of impulsiveness, and I made a rather hasty decision.  I gave up the free room at my cousin’s apartment and signed a year lease in DC with nearly $1000 monthly rent.  I justified it by saying I would utilize this financial urgency and decreased commute time to help me get a job, but the fact was I had committed to an expensive lease and had no way to pay for it.  

At this point the great external force of luck intervened (maybe it was Karma recognizing my suffering), and I was offered a job sorting mail in the senator’s office that I was interning in.  I did this for a month and my luck continued when I was offered a job doing communications for another Senator.  I had come to the Hill to do communications and somehow I had reached my goal.  I was able to pay my rent and even had a little money left over to experience the endless activities in DC.  The job was a great learning experience, and I ended up staying in this job for my remainder of my time in DC.    

The Sad and Expected Rise of Reality TV

After watching a preview for “Toddlers and Tiaras,” I decided I could no longer hold my tongue.  It was time to examine the scourge of modern entertainment- the dreaded reality TV show.

After viewing the preview for the aforementioned show, one would be hard pressed to argue against the truth that this genre will stop at nothing to gain an audience.  But the actual reality is that these shows are destined to garner attention.  The foundation of this show is built on an undeniable principle that has captivated humans from the dawn of time: the awe factor.  Let’s face it, we are all drawn to the amazement allure or what I like to call “the curiosity gene.”  Consider our ancient ancestors: the hunter gathers.  Curiosity drove them to make new discoveries that helped them sustain life.  This evolutionary drive to discover is deeply embedded in our genes, and to this day we still strive to see things that deviate from the normalcy of our lives - the 15 car pileup, the man who walks a tight wire across skyscrapers, the billionaire playboy with five jets, the significant others diary, etc.      

Reality TV has taken this universal truth and turned it into a low-grade art form.  “He’s not really going to do that?” and “she cannot be serious” are common exclamations that ring out in front TV’s across the country when shows like “Fear Factor” and Real Housewives of (insert city name here) are aired.  Surely, I am not the first to question how these shows came to be, but the sad truth is that their existence is an inevitable progression in modern entertainment. 

What paved the way for this low-quality genre?  The answer is the surrounding climate.  This ability to police obscene content was effectively ended with the advent of cable TV.  And if cable TV is the father of entertainment obscenity, the Internet is the unstoppable and more powerful offspring.  With two clicks of a mouse, any person with internet access can be directed to the most conceivably obscene site on the web.  Consider that in 2006, 13 percent of website visits in America were pornographic in nature, according to Hitwise, a market-research firm (LINK). 

With this seemingly endless supply of shock/taboo content, network TV (the birthplace of reality TV) faced a crossroads.  They were in between the rock of internet freedom (and growing accessibility) and the hard place of unregulated cable TV.  How could they compete with the gratuitous violence of HBO or the explicit sexual content of internet porn?  They needed to regain the awe factor.  They needed something that would drive people back to watching the commercials that funded these networks.  And thus, reality TV was born. 

Working within the confines of the FCC’s obscenity regulations, the networks devised a concept that would have people gossiping for hours at the water cooler.  A show, with "real" people, that fulfills the insatiable curiosity gene.  Show five people on a remote island participating in unusual tasks, so they can gain food, so they won’t starve, so they can stay on the island, so they can ultimately win a cash prize.  Makes sense, right?  Repeat this ritual for 12 weeks and you’ve got a ratings winner.  

Do all of these shows succeed?  No, there is definitely a formula for success.  You can’t stray too far away from the anchor of believability and the theme of the show must have lasting appeal and dynamic developments.  But beyond this, the world is reality TV’s oyster.  Low production costs, non-paid contestants, and quick and easy filming fueled the demand for these programs.  At one point, it seemed like there was a new reality show every week on some esoteric topic. 

Like our ancestors who gathered to watch public hangings, Americans gather around our modern day town square and cringe as people consume pig testicles.  The scary truth?  This is not a fad.  It is here to stay.  The sad truth?  The profit driven networks will stop at nothing to put on a show that will get everyone talking.  These shows have sucked up the air for the great, artistic TV shows of past that took on thoughtful, moral, contemporary issues that we all face.  Toddlers and Tiaras is not the nadir of this genre; sadly, I don’t know what it will be.  Could we push the limits so far that we actually watch people endure great pain or even watch people die?  Could we be arriving full circle back to the gladiator days that enthralled ancient Rome?  I know the blatant child exploitation in Toddlers and Tiaras rubs me the wrong way, and, as this genre continues to emerge, I hope we can draw a clear line between entertainment and public abuse/suffering/humiliation…I hope.